Showing posts with label My Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Poetry. Show all posts

Monday, 23 May 2016

String theory

Everyone else is a cardboard cut-out - 
their intimidatory iterations now fail.

An invisible draw-string gathers
our heart-strings ever closer.

In my innermost places you fit - 
distances most intimate.

Infinite intimate iterations - 
my-into-mate, mate-into-me. Ha!

Our intimacy in its infancy, yet - 
our heart-strings entwine intimately,

through intermittent iterations - 
strung forth into infinite horizons.

© Jennifer Phillips
Inspired by a quote from Charlotte Brontë in "Jane Eyre":

“Are you anything akin to me, do you think, Jane?"
I could risk no sort of answer by this time; my heart was full.
"Because," he said, "I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you — especially when you are near to me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land, come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapped; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.”

And of course, String Theory itself:

In physics, string theory is a theoretical framework in which the point-like particles of particle physics are replaced by one-dimensional objects called strings. It describes how these strings propagate through space and interact with each other. 

More, see Wikipedia.

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Sleepwalking

Last night I went to sleep
walking through darkness,
a gloomy forest hemming me in.

My sleeping eyes
could barely make out
the shapes of the trunks
under their grotesque
massy foliage.

Suddenly, in stumbling, 
I raised my eyes 
to see a rounded clearing,
the moonlight shining mistily
across soft swathes of grass
and there in the middle you stood,
your hands held out to me.

I ran into your embrace
and felt your living breath
as it rose and fell
through the fabric of your shirt.
You held me tightly
and my fears fell away.

Under the moon,
under the starry sky,
you are my rock, my support,
 my inspiration,
 my earth, my joy.

Before you colours were muted,
but the true colours of love
lie within your arms,
in a forest glade
under a gamboge moon.

© Jennifer Phillips
Moon at Flinders, VIC © Jennifer Phillips

The massage

I gently trace the contours of your face,
run my fingers smoothly through your rich dark hair,
then follow the curve of your shoulders with my palms.

 I describe concentric circles lightly
with my nails and fingertips over your back
until you're almost in a trance,
your consciousness reduced
to following the intense points of touch
as they move masterfully over your body.

Slowly I start to press harder
as my hands begin to move strongly
over your prostrate form,
firmly moulding your flesh until it relaxes
beneath the pressure I exert.

Involuntarily you release a deep sigh, almost a moan,
as the accumulated stressors of your life dissolve away
beneath my sure movements
, like the snow in spring.

I mould your buttocks like bread dough
and you feel yourself stiffen as I work above you. 
 
As I slide my spread fingertips up your inner thighs
to lightly feel the curve of your swollen balls,
you can stand the pressure no longer, you roll over
and your proud cock immediately asserts in a full stand.

As I watch the beat of your heart pulsate in the head of your cock 
I can bear it no longer, I hold your arms flat above your head
as I lower my warm slippery pussy gently over your entire shaft,
gradually increasing my motions until our movements merge
in a glorious explosion of pent-up emotions, and a luxurious release.

Languorously I roll off you and we gently kiss,
looking into the pools of each other's eyes,
knowing we are merged - heart, body and mind.

© Jennifer Phillips

Saturday, 2 January 2016

A sea inside

Gripping shower stall top
water slaps my face
eyes closed, I see you - 
a moment of grace.

The water tracks 
blurred lines, our future
our history, a mystery
It paints me opaque.

My contours blur 
in a waterfall cascade
watery paths run 
urgent to the sea.

My tide washes out - 
there is a sea inside.

© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)

Back, Mac

Something has been knocking 
at the door of my mind, trying to get out.
Not really a poem, not really prose.
I propose, I suppose.

Sometimes I feel like a piece of flotsam
washed along on humanity's tide.
As if a clever bit of writing will save me.
Fuck that.

If you're lucky in love you'll diverge 
in a few glorious eddies
Oh, but caught up in kissing 
drop Charon's coin.

So many different people, so many different lives.
I want to snatch a piece of what they're having.
Maybe I'm greedy.
Maybe I'm starved.

I'm a fan of experience.
I experienced forceps, 
forcibly forced
into the world before my time.

I seek to go back 
pick up those lessons I missed
so I can go forward 
and not fall.

Watch me, see me? 
Monitor me
hanging off this open door
while you eat your Apple, Mac.

Now watch me fall, forwards
fall for you...
Catch me, 
are you ready?

What if you know you're in the wrong place
and time's made of you a laughing-stock?
Life's a waiting game.
Games are fun?

Feels like I've been asleep 
100 years waiting on 
Prince Charming's kiss.
I want-can't-wait to feel it.

Careering around corners 
windows down, trying not to feel.
Wicker basket, 
fried chicken in the back.

© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
La barca de Caront, Josep Benlliure Gil, Museu de Belles Arts de València

Thursday, 3 December 2015

Torrent

I was a parched river bed,
cracks across the surface.
So fuckin’ dried out,
going through the motions.

By degrees, I’d grown
silent as the stones.
My waters, still deep,
run submerged.

You came to me
like water, like rain.
And our words
are a torrent.

© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Image © Nick Pattinson

Saturday, 26 September 2015

Square peg, round hole

My life has been 
square peg, 
round hole.

Accommodating others, 
sucking it up.

An empty shell
cannot give.

And after all is done,
I need to come home,
to your heart.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
© http://www.iblogmarketing.com/

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Hypnos

I am older now, but none the wiser.
I was half asleep, head down,
walking a path of bored contentment.

You slid right back under my skin,
and precious fool that I am,
I let you straight back in.

There is no balm, to soothe soul-ache.
Exquisite tung-kuai tendrils 
curl through our days, and invade our nights.

We tried to fight it, we could not.
Fuck. We swim in Kokytos
underwater, with our demons.

I reasoned 'till I'm blue in the face.
Now I'm awake I still can't see.
Logic in this shadow-play has no place.

Being young and shy - undefined - I made a safe choice...
Now my highs are lower, and my lows not so.
I walk endlessly Ennui's dry and distant plateau.

Would you not take the leap,
if you had a second chance at truest romance,
even though the gap's a chasm, it's grown so deep?

We have everything against us,
yet our conviction fuels us...
My heart holds encased a great regret.

Tried to sink in Lethe, 
but I floated up, into life.
So I cannot forget, put what's past aside.

So then, we'll embark on a long wait of good not great,
though the fit's 'square peg, round hole' - 
be the best that we can be, try our best to make it.

Enduring the heat that sears, 
our souls fly nightly, like owls
on the wings of our words still, all these years.

Until eventually, we'll lay this Thing to rest, 
finally lie face to face, breath to breath, 
chest to breast. Definitely not a race.

We dare to shake the tree of life - twice.
Its leaves fly a long distance, for a long time... 
tempted by its nameless fruit, let's be soul-drunk blind.

Open our eyes to our truth - take the leap, fulfil our destiny.
Do we deserve this, or is this just fantasy, 
caught in a landslide - our escape from reality?


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Hypnos © The Trustees of the British Museum

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Hankering

Equal parts confusion and frustration.
A measure of sadness
The sands of time drift
My sands drift, sometimes content, sometimes spent.

Yearning. 
Grasping. 
Hankering. 

Is there more?
Why can’t my wanderlust be contained?
There’s a lot to be said for:
Fat, dumb and happy.

by Jennifer Phillips
© Jennifer Phillips

Friday, 19 December 2014

Ease

You are gone now.
In darkness
winter disappeared
into comfort
into peace
not thinking 
being inside
Deep.
Apart 
from the one
who made you feel.
For a time
you were broad
and carried 
the weight of the world
upon your shoulders
with ease.
Ease is slippery
like time
If it passes comfortably
it's anaesthesia,
sometimes welcome.
And have you really lived?

by Jennifer Phillips
© Jennifer Phillips

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Half asleep

There comes a time
when poetry comes,

and there comes a time
when poetry goes.

It's beyond my control
if it doesn’t want to stay.

It stays crouched inside, 
because to allow it out

means the feelings come, 
and the feelings bring pain.

And life when half asleep, 
is comfortable.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Somewhere in Victoria © Jennifer Phillips

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Necessary

Occasionally, 
I allow myself to feel

You're the broken person
necessary for my completeness

You're part of my core
Required reading

for the integrity
of my soul.

So break open,
I'll join you.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)

Sunday, 1 June 2014

F*ck you

Once you shared your dreaming with me.
We'd fly up and steal the shine off the stars.
Our words would dance in the wind
like dewdrops on spiderwebs in the mist.

But your well is dry, you've sold your soul.
Good for you - you suck, you've given up.
I cannot get past you, though I've tried so hard.
Like pushing a bogged car through sticky mud.

I've walked through a vale of tears,
sheets of icy cold burning my soul
and I cannot leave you and feel whole.
This is my story and I will tell it till it's gone.

I'll tell it until I feel your presence drop away.
I will sing your song - our song - my song
until the moon turns a thousand times
and my lament echoes the howl of the wolves.

We've ached for each other a quarter of a lifetime - 
etched furrows in our hearts and across our brows.
We tried to fight it and yet we cannot beat this Thing.
You've let yourself go - live in denial - on your track.

Sometimes I regret moves made long since 
when young and unsure and unformed.
Now we clutch shards of time unwilling or unable 
to see that time has made of us a laughing-stock.

So f*ck you. I want more than there is or ever was to give, 
so let's just get back to whatever it is we both do.
F*ck you, and f*ck you again. F*ck you.
You cannot be who I need you to be.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Dew-coated spiderweb © Jennifer Phillips

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Anymore

I drift at the edges of true interaction.
I am here, but I am not here.
My heart doesn't live here, 
anymore.
My heart has moved away
and left me, a shell, behind.

I'm trying to grab the precious moments
as they fall like stars, into my lap.
But they feel like someone else's.
I don't want to be here.
I don't want to behave,
anymore.

I can't do it, this Thing. This act of normalcy 
in a place I feel I no longer fit, 
anymore.
So I wander without direction 
without true joy, as a shadow 
seeking its owner.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Shell - Copyright Free Images

Friday, 11 April 2014

The shadows

Shadows drifted over your face in the wind.
I was hanging on to a dream of us,
but it kept escaping my clutches,
and morphing into a nightmare.

I was just staring into nothing -
shadows in the darkness of your mind.
I saw clearly in the night for the first time -
There’s nothing there for us anymore.

You were there but not there -
you looked right through me,
clear through the other side,
and the other side was blank.

There’s no one to understand
that when we gave it, we gave it all,
but now we are sucked
dry as shells empty on the sand.

You drew me gently
into your moonlit world -
a world of dreams -
of light and sweet surrender.

Our days of drifting dreams  -
and barefoot loving  -
freedom in the silky moonlight
passed like raindrops, all too soon

No substance, no depth -
you had me so deep.
Now you're a wail into nothing,
and a drop off the edge.

You will not fight for me
and I am tired of fighting for you.
I bow and turn my back,
leave you to sink, as you choose.

Because I choose life.
I choose substance, and light.
No longer will I drift in your shadows,
like a waif, hoping for a pearl.

And now I see clearly you have no core.
So, with memories to sustain,
I walk with ever-lightening heart away
from what once was, but was never really.

The depth of our connection
was just moving shadows,
drifting, dreaming, distracting - 
insubstantial in the wind.

You are without substance or grace - 
just broken, too lost to piece back together.
I choose life, in peace, and grace.
One day you might find it too.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
© Tammi O'Hair Photography

Thursday, 27 March 2014

We shook the sky

We collided, you and I.
Together, we soared so high.
I have never known such a ride.
Like rockets, we shook the sky.

We launched ourselves
into space and out of sight - 
amazing, incredible - 
you blew my mind.

Like fireworks, rockets live bright - 
fly so high, light up the night.
Yet fuel's beautiful explosion
blows out too quick...

All too soon, thwarted 
by circumstances beyond our control, 
our rocket burned out too fast - 
floated aimless in the firmament.

Like a supernova - we were luminous
for a while, but in the end 
our flame flickered
burned low, guttered and died.

Our hearts contracted
from the moon’s pull - 
illuminated our path no more.
No longer were we in its thrall.

We turned away, lesson learnt.
Can’t expect fireworks 
when the fuel’s all spent.
No fanfare, no fire, no heat, no eruption.

We chewed on scraps of love - 
with just a sprinkle of ash and soot,
fed our lungs with fire and smoke, 
in the dusted remains of our passion.

We launched ourselves
into space and out of sight.
Our story ends not with fire or fanfare - 
but just a burned out candle in the wind.

Like rockets, we shook the sky
out of sight and into space -
you blew my mind,
once upon a time.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Rocket blasting off into space © All About Anything

Friday, 21 March 2014

Laptop dancin’

This is about a workaholic - works on late at night in the office - 
there must be something going on ... He’s getting frisky with his laptop.


Every night I work late, and I wait
‘till all those office plebs slope home…
Then it’s just me, and the empty office 
and I start to get a little bit excited…

I’ve been using my laptop for hours, 
you’re hot - yeah - been working for me all day.
I shift you on to my lap – Oh, nice and hot.
Yeah, baby - I can feel your electric powers!

Ooh, oooh, ooh! Meeting request!
Just you and me for some laptop action…
C’mon baby – together in the empty office.
Laptop action – Keyboard – you’re the best!

I love the way my fingers feel 
when I slide them across 
your silky smooth plastic contours – 
makes me almost lose control – Oooh, laptop baby!

Oh yeah, baby - gotta schedule next meeting request.
I gotta hot date tonight – me and the keyboard, 
gettin’ in line for some laptop dancing.
Your dancin’ keys sure know how to please.

Microsoft Outlook, look out!
I’m coming for you, baby!
Microsoft, so soft…
Give it to me, baby!

Ooh, oooh, ooh! Meeting request!
Just you and me ‘an some laptop action.
I want to get chancin’
Oooh, ‘an laptop dancin’!

Oh yeah, baby – feel that electricity…
Work it baby! Oh yeah! 
Open your platform on my lap - 
show me that spread-sheet!

Oh yeah, monitor - raise up your shield protector - aah.
Oooh, Excel spreadsheet baby - give me a spread.
Show me your numbers - let me see your figures!
Oh yeah, right there, baby, spread it for me.

I wanna see you open some formulae - 
Let’s get into the groove…
Oooh, algorithms do it for me!
I wanna see your figures move! 

Makin’ some calculations…mmm.
Let’s get jiggy, shake that monitor…
I’ll take your number – sure!
Pop that figure, ‘n gimme some more.

I’m on a hot date tonight – me ‘n the keyboard - 
gettin’ into some laptop dancing.
Your dancin’ keys know how to please.
Oooh, laptop dancin’ – I’m chancin’.

Salesforce - I’ll sing it ‘till I’m hoarse…
I love it in the Cloud!
Give me some CRM service, 
an’ give it to me Loud!

I love how you Excel - 
lay all your spreadsheets open for me and you’re so hot – 
keyboard dancin’ on my lap. Oooh, Microsoft in the office - 
I wanna see your orifice.

Ooh, ooh! Meeting request!
Just you and me ‘n laptop action.
I’m chancin’
Oooh, laptop dancin’.

© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Heart-beaten

We fell into a sea of heartbreak...
So much to say, so much left unsaid.
Your words circled like birds inside my head.

Our words collided on the sky
and through our souls a heart-wind blew.
Yet our lands and choices divided us.

Hung up on you, you floated
like a dream through my life
as smoke wafts above a fire.

But this heart-heated kindling
grew too hot, and we had to turn away
from the licking flames.

We managed to cauterise this pain.
We did -  but it still hurts - it pulls.
Like a scar, it'll always be there.

With the cold wind at our backs,
we faced a different future, 
in the winter of our discontent.

But now we can walk forward,
without looking so often back, 
to the land of could, or should've been.

Logic has no place in our shadow-play - 
and I feel that familiar soul-ache 
more rarely as I drift through each day.

An ocean within and an ocean without.
Words without touch are a sunset
shrouded in fog, or a touch of frost.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Plumage like fireflies © Jennifer Phillips

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

The girl from Moldova

She was just a girl from Moldova.
Spinning tricks on a dime.
Her thoughts and dreams
broken it seemed, for all time.

They promised her good work.
Passports, money, transfer to London.
Hugged her mother goodbye, 
dropped tears in the dust.

Just a girl from Moldova
trying to make it.
One less mouth to feed.
She didn't know she'd bleed.

Took a ride to the airport
with the man in the van.
Many flat miles ran past
and the rain ran down fast.

Just a girl from Moldova.
He drove her to a house, latched the gate.
The door slammed, sealed her fate.
Men on sofa chairs, stare - staring.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Life spins on a dime.
They really have her over.

They take her passport, ticket, money.
Where's the airport?
What is this place?
Let me go! They do not.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Strip her, put her with some other girls.
Against the wall they hold her.
Take turns and break her.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Life spins on a dime.
They really have her over.

Shut in a room, the clock turns
the hours, the days, the years.
Men come, and come and come.
She claws the wall, the floor, the door.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Life spins on a dime.
They really have her over.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Dreams dust, clouds obscure the moon.
Her eyes trace the carpet's pattern 
as it rolls again - another man's tune.

Sick from misuse, broken doll.
They drive her down a track
in the forest,  way out back, 
and drop her crooked in a rut.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Life spins on a dime.
They really have her over.

Just a girl from Moldova.
A woodsman picks her up.
Takes her to a hospital. 
Her story isn't over.

Months pass, she hardens.
Plans, nursing her hate - 
 snake coils under her heart.
Claws back strength, dream's new.

Just a girl from Moldova.
All the details, etched in her mind.
Sees her plans clear through hate's lens.
Snapped open, no longer blind.

Now she heads up
Every tormentor, she finds.
Saves her sisters from these animals.

Just a girl from Moldova.
She bites back at those that bit her.
Puts them in jail ... cages for ages.
She really has them over.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Life spins on a dime.
She really has them over.

Just a girl from Moldova.
Life spins on a dime.
She really has them over.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)

(Poem loosely based on "Sex Traffic" (2004) and "The Girl from Ipanema"
Lotto Carpet Design Usak16th C. Museum of Islamic Art © World Imaging 2009

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Underneath the flowers

Just met, we really like each other...
We run from this dull party - escape.
Catch our breath behind a tree, and breathing fast, 
imagine our hidden love take shape.

You lead me down to a secret place -
a flowered bower, where angels must have trod -
petals scatter thickly across our path...
Seems we've entered the abode of a forest god.

I look into your eyes, crave the entrapment I see.
Reflected stars shine deep in their pools.
I want to plumb your depths, you're yet a mystery.
We lie down now, under a heavily blossomed tree.

Underneath the flowers,
inhaling their scent
stealing kisses in the night
we're occupied for hours.

Your scent is musk
and I drink you in like wine,
down beneath the flowers,
you caress me so fine.

The moon casts a silver sheen
over your smooth skin.
I trace your contours,
while you explore my ravine.

We taste salt kisses, merged together,
in this time out of time, and out of place
Dreaming together, we're stolen from the night...
A smile lingers across your face.

You employ all your power
as the petals float down in showers,
hidden in our blossomed bower
I ride upon your tower.

We undulate like waves
underneath the flowers
until we're spent.
Our stolen time is Heaven-sent.

Yet all good things must end...
We see the gleam of dawn
pushing at the edge of night.
Brush away petals, and sated, we yawn.

Entwined then, wend our way slowly back -
leisurely walk the petalled path,
as the moon tracks toward the dawn -
tracing our last minutes over memory's horizon.

Underneath the flowers,
we were occupied for hours.
Your scent was musk
and I drank you in like wine,
down beneath the flowers,
you caressed me so fine.


© Jennifer Phillips (All rights reserved)
Cherry blossoms at night © Jennifer Phillips