On the tendency to want things to be different

"There's a number of different reasons why we end up wanting things to be different to the way that they are. The first one is simply a matter of awareness. Very often we're so caught up in thought - quite a habitual kind of thing - that we're not fully aware of where the mind is at any one time - so it tends to spin off in these discursive sorts of moments - or perhaps a particular emotion gathers a huge amount of steam until we suddenly realise what's happening and how we actually feel. So obviously being aware is key to understanding how we relate to these moments.

Then there is a resistance to how things are - wanting things to stop because we experience them as being unpleasant in some way. On the other hand, there's the tendency to chase after pleasant sensations. But even when we perhaps attain them, even if it's only of a very temporary nature, we then worry about losing them. So there's always this sort of dynamic going on where we're either wanting to get rid of the unpleasant feelings  - whether that's thoughts, situations, or emotions - doesn't matter. Or we're chasing after the opposite. It's very hard to have a relaxed, calm and contented mind when we're always wanting things to be different in this way. So this is why its important to be aware.

So we're starting to see how there is a way of working with this tendency of wanting things to be different. First we need to actually understand, appreciate and acknowledge that there is this tendency to always want things to be different in some way, or  a great deal of the time. Then it's noticing how actually it's in wanting it to be different that causes us a lot of discomfort, both in our body and in our mind. That's what causes a lot of stress and a lot of tension.

By learning skillfully how to note, to realise what this tendency is - to step back from it and see it within a wider, broader perspective, we're able to start to let go a little bit, of that tendency. It's not that we need to stop trying to change things around us - sometimes that's absolutely appropriate  - it's useful and beneficial - but in terms of our internal experience, noticing how often we're wanting things to change and how often we're swept away by either positive feelings or thoughts (indulgence) or negative feelings or thoughts (resistance)."

- Andy Puddicombe - Headspace

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